all about you.

mmm, yesterday night.
i don't know what's happened to me.
i know we promise each other that we're still friend. and i really feel so sorry that i didn't reply your message. so, i just grab my phone i text you asking u is there anything? i didn't recieve any call or missed call from you. =)
then u replied. nothing already


okay, nothing special. i just put down my phone and sleep.
i kinda proud of myself that, i didn't feel down because of your cool manner.
like what i said, u're just a 过客。




NEXT




till this morning, when im having my breakfast [ prepared by my dad =) ]
my phone rang. 10 something in the morning, no one will text me so early except you.
but another inner sound telling me, not you. cause everything changed.
i just can't concentrate having my breakfast so i rush into my room and check in out.
the number appeared was ur number.i feel like killing you.what the hell are you doing? whenever i put down you, u will find me.each and everytime also the same. is this what god planned or your plan? in ur message u said that,也很迟了。
what u means?
没有事了，也很迟了?
so? are u trying to make me crazy for you?sorry. i won't let me down because of you again.
i grab my dad's phone. make a call to u, but u didn't answer. okay, well. just put down and continue my breakfast without anything bothering me.



please.don't make me feel that u kinda annoying and make me hate you okay?
这些小动作令我觉得你很下贱。
made me look down on you.
although now still i will wondering what the hell had happened actually. but i didn't feel like wanna phone you or what. im glad to have this feeling. this means i doesn't care you as seriously as the past. if u really have something that wanna let me know, please just voice out la!

kinda suck.

MOODY !!!!

NO MOOD !!!

MOOD-LESS !!!

what the fuck is going on now? i really can't get what u want,what u mean,what u're thinking!
when is the time that u let go of me? please la. i really have no more credit to play with you!! don't make me feel like killing myself okay? sucker !!!

what the fuck is going on right now? i just can't follow the flow.
FAKER !!! i hate, but why i got to co-operate with you all?
u all made me does not trust promise,forever,secret...even best friend.
today, my mood really suck. i grab up my phone, willing to call someone for a talk. but i don't know whose number m i going to key in. i got a good listener? i don't know.
till the time i really upset,depress,helpless.. who will be there for me? no one.
i know, this is my problem. but i don't know i got to cure from which part.

i tried very very very hard to go into u all's life. but the door was locked.
i tried. i really tried.
i knew i changed. i extremely dislike current KY.
but i don't know why, i can't find the real KY.
i betrayed by someone i fully trust. i hurted by someone i love a lots.
maybe im really weak. only these stuff already made me does not trust the exist of forever, the exist of true friend and love.
from that friday,i hurted 3 guys. really sorry =(
i really need some time and rest for the next start.
i tried to consider all of you, but i can't. those pains,hurts still reminding me.
whenever the Q that u all ask, my inner sound just keep on telling me. "NO, KY. U WILL BE HURT LIKE HE HURT YOU. U CAN'T EFFORT THE PAIN.DON'T EVEN CONSIDER."

friends.
i know many people BEFORE.
but now...
don't know why,i just feel that they kinda fake.
and i dislike test.
not because of i got to memorize a lots.
the cause of this is.. whenever the result release,everyone changed.
not willing to mention their name,their reaction.it's too sensitive.
okay,well..maybe it's really like what people used to say,讲者没心，听者有意。
but the fact tell me that NOT !! totally.
that day, xxx ask me, whats yr score for + math?
58 o,u leh?
xxx faced turned in the same time i say my marks.this is very very obvious. please! i can't find any reason for ur change. please. i really hope i didn't see ur reaction.
please lahh.. we are friend. don't challenge okay?i hate challenging.
in my dictionary,the definition of CHALLENGE is idiot.
please. don't 比较me with the others. 没有人比得起我，我也比不起人家。
everyone have their own character ,no one is the same. how can we challenge?so please.
what i want is a 100% pure friend. a listener, a playful human being, bla bla bla. but not challenging btw friends.

feeling suck,
KY . yan

recovered. need rest

hmmm... im free for blog today =)

i took my blood test report. not bad actually, but said that my stomach got the cancer marker. =(
besides, my Hepatitis A and B's antibody almost 0 == bad news, i got to have injection 3 times in 6 months times.sucks. and you know what? each injection cost RM100++!!! sucks !!!haiz..=(

NEXT

about my report, only my family(of course),jolynn,康妮 and cy ask.
emmm.. he didn't ask for it,i didn't feel upset because of this. happy =)
你只是我人生的过客。
actually i wanna thanks ur mum. that for those "memorable" words !
and also thanks for your lies,hurts and scolding.
those stupid promise will not make my tear drop again.
YAN became stronger.

xxx，拜托不要再用那种同情我的口吻问候我。
我很讨厌。那时，我甚至想过，要要求复合。心里是比谁都还要清楚，那只是自讨苦吃。
但是，就是很想像以前那样。
好了，真的没有心情写那些废话。如果是前几天的我，我应该会一边写一边流泪。但现在，我不会了。我做到了。要知道，你失去的，是很爱很爱你的人，而我?只是失去了一个不爱我，不珍惜我的人。

although i said that i became stronger. but still i dare not to start a relationship first.
cy,sorry.
don't know why when u ask me those Q, i feel like i really dare not to answer yes.
sorry,give me some time. but my advise is not to wait. and im anti-sweet word. i hate.
thanks. =)


NEXT

mmm, lols.
yesterday i unveil my best friend's secret. lols.
anyway,good luck =)
many support from ur friend's KY . yan.
love always. muacks.


NEXT

voice out.
mmm, u know. the day he act that he didn't see me, i don't know why i feel so sad.
and the day i saw he smoke.DISAPPOINTED.
i admit that in the initial, my feeling toward you was so "hot".. but after those stuff, u disappointed me.
i just admire ur look. you know.
and ur character was so cute leh.. i feel that this type of character suit me. and the most important is u care for ur family. =)

GOOD LUCK !

love,
KY . yan

speechless

hmm, lets me talks about yesterday stuff.
the previous article end with a kinda positive ending.but things doesn't go like what i aspected.
well ~ but i should thanks god for that.

DETAIL.

mmm,yesterday after bloging i brush my teeth,prepare everything for the next day very quickly.worrying that i will MISS the call again.after finished doing all those stuff.look at my phone,its only 22:45. Huuu ..~ i grab my phone and text him,asking him why he call me.although a couple minutes before i said i will wait for his true care and will not text him at least he text me. but..still i can't. MESSAGE SENT.in this time, i think he is on the way back.lols.. wait and wait and wait. TICK TOCK TICK TOCK .. 23:20. looking at my phone's time, but it doesn't rings once. still im giving myself a lots of excuses. maybe he is driving? maybe he taking bath? maybe he go for supper? maybe he hang out with his brother? maybe...? but no one can change the reality.

i kinda tired waiting for him already, so i just grab my phone and text him. telling him everything in my heart. after a minute my phone rang, wondering should i answer it or not. but i didn't switch my phone to silent mode so i just answer. don't know why i didn't feel a single of happiness. what he ask, i just answer. after that, i hear his mum's voice. so i just stop him and said, hang up la, i don't want your mum misunderstand you still chasing me and said those idiot,brainless stuff. then he said, aiyorr.. not la.. that day my mum not saying u a.. then i asked, then who is she talking about? and i won't forget a single word that he told me that day.so hurt you know?i WON'T forget ! then he said, she's talking ur sister.bla bla bla... then i said,what?my sister?what my sister did that made her say my sister like this? then he didn't say anything. so obvious that he's trying to help his mother la.. don't lie on me please. why u will help ur mum? is because u also know that what your mum said very BRAINLESS lorr.. haiz.. GERAM !! then i heard ur mum ask, what i said o,bla bla bla... after that i kinda beh song lorr.. answering everythings in an unpleasant manner.then he said, aiya.. i find you some others day la.bye. then he hang without a bye and i didn't say anything. well..

NEXT

today morning, once i wake up, the 1st thing in my mind is, he made me very very angry. but i tell myself i must spend my new day happily but remember all those sad stuff. today reach school that time, actually feel like pening pening de. but just a bit, didn't tell my families la. i know myself, i don't want them to worry. oh ya ! haha, today Faye gave a ma beaded bracelet and a mahjong-looked phone accesscory.emmm.. not thing much to say la. kinda late d.. good night.

and GOOD NEWS.
i didn't miss him as much as yesterday.
i know i can do it. wish me luck =)

i will forget you,
good night guys,
good luck,
KY. yan

blood test day. lols.

hmm, blood test day.
actually not so bad la.. just o..haha. kinda paiseh la.the urine test == lols.
shh...huiyo.. kinda paiseh lorr =D
the blood test leh.. i felt that i kinda INDEPENDENT!
you know what?i go for it by myself without my sister accompany. wahahaha.
kinda pain lorr..wtf.
when i turn over and look, the whole thing already full with my blood.almost faint again ==
scary.

NEXT


after that go for breakfast with Gina. wahh.. so hungry.
mmm, actually today nothing special to say larr.. cause i spend whole of my day for DRAMA.lols. yesterday my sister's bf downloaded till ep.19 for us and today i watched all jor.. fast leh?lols.
this whole day,my phone just rang for 2 times.
haiz.. i absent to school, why no friend text over and ask one?well~
this whole day, im just waiting for a number.but it never appear.
but till 21:00++ my mum ask me out for LALA. haha, long time didn't eat ady.

after i washed all those plates,check my phone. " 1 missed call"
don't know why i didn't aspect that's will be the people i waiting for the whole day.but then,the name appears. UNBELIEVABLE!!! i check again and again and again. but its a MISSED call..i rushed out willing to grab my dad phone,but i didn't. i feel that, if he really cares for me,he will call again later or tomorrow.i will wait for your true care.

still i care for you,

good night,
KY . yan

2nd time.

hmm.. actually this evening i already wrote my blog.
but when im on the way "giving birth" my blog, my mum asked me to go in and help my dad.
because today my house having steamboat party, my aunt coming over for this party.so my mum ask me in to help my daddy bring the table out.
okay, here comes the climax. lols. XD

when i go in, my cousin helped. as im onlining so i return to my sofa lorr.. but then, suddenly i can't see anything.then i hold the table beside me.but after a couple of second,i just hear "bing,bang,bong"then i knock my knee and i hear my mum call me.." YAN !!!"then still i can't see anything,my head extremely pain. then my dad come in and ask what happen to me.then my sister come out. i think they heard the "bing bang bong" and my mum shout gua. then i get scolding from my parents they say i always don't eat in BALANCE DIET ==.but my sister laugh at me and say me S.H. lols. don't why i go and text him. then he call over and ask me what happen.actually i really happy that he still care for me.but after i "FRESH", i think thats just a very common reaction when u know ur friend fainted.anyway, i really happy for ur call.thanks.

didn't go for locking class today. haiz..sad.
i think is good la.cause after that my head like very 麻痹..and still will feel like fainting.


NEXT

haha,steamboat time.
each and everyone also say," yan,come.eat this.you must eat more a.always faint..bla bla bla =="my stomach going burst lorr..
as this is the second time.the 1st was when im working at my aunt's shop i fainted.year 2007.
my sister said that i 贫血. cause my mum's blood test's result said that she also got 贫血症 one.and her blood is more concentrated than others. so, its not impossible for me to have the same problem. the SCARIER THING is, my sis said that she worrying that my brain got what clot == (like drama) but i kinda scare larr.. my family ask me go for blood test lerr..i scare. because i always feeling fainting and can't see thing suddenly but didn't faint de. this time faint only. i don't want die lehh =( haha.

worrying,
thank you,
ky.yan