:)

this period, I was sick and having tests. and I didn't do well for my maths paper although I've spent whole night for it! This time was definitely my problem! because, my friends know how to solve it but I have no idea for that solution AT ALL! Sick is not a excuse for having bad result !

Wednesday will be another test again. and this really make me feel like breathless!! Please, what for forcing the students so? This is really tiring and suffer!

Not sure what happened to me, I just feel very bad recently. Maybe it's because sick + test + some issue, I am really in a very bad mood. Im really stressed. Not the stress by academic but the stress of life.

it seems like, Im not good in everything.*failure*

Sweet 18 :)

3rd November 2011 !


KY's big big day. haha.
Thanks for all the surprises and celebrations. Everyone of you were awesome! Thank you very much!
I still have no time to snap my presents and upload here.
First of all, really thank you and appreciate my parents for the undivided love and cares to me for 18years. Their sacrifices and love were the most greatest and gorgeous present I would never ever have! Thanks, Daddy Mummy! Love you all, :-*

Honestly, I never think of my 18th brithday will have any celebration because the week of my birthday was a busy week for us. We have presentation and tests. And some other friend was having their final exam, my family was busy preparing for bro's wed too. So, I dah agak no celebration.

Really thanks my dear, Issac Liu a lot a lot! HAHA. Thanks for squeezing your precious time of revision just to celebrate my birthday with me. Sometime, you just make me feel what a true friend are. ~.~ Thank you! Love youuu <3 HAHAA.

JKFC ! These few sakai(s).
hahaa, although the surprise was a little bit ruin by me but it's still great! Thanks for everything you all done for me! I really miss the time we spent together from Form1 to 5. The laughter, the tears, the anger, the bakchi-ness,etc. Btw, I hope we could achieve our dreams together. This is the true word from the core of my heart. Maybe the path we choose was different, maybe we have different point of view, but I hope that we could reach the terminal that we wanted. When you all were tired, look back, Im always there for you all. :)

Tutorial G10!
LOL. Ini lagi shock >< I really really didn't think of having a celebration with u guys since all of us was busy preparing for presentation and test. Btw, really thanks to everyone who have wished and celebrated with me. Especially, TingFang, Loong, KokWeng! I don't know whether is it true, but this is just what I heard from them. Few of you walk in the rain just to buy me present? LOL. Thanks la weih, for the flower and handphone and all the presents! Thanks a lot a lot a lot!


This year wishes was really different from other years. and I will make sure that next year I will not get the same wishes too! HAHA. Most of the wishes from my friends was, wishing me could back to my original size >< Im not feeling sad or down for it, it's good to have such a wishes from you all because I never receive any wishes like this before. And this is a memory in my journey and also a motivation for me to diet and exercise! Hehe.


Ya, Ky was officially 18 now. There are no excuses or reason for you to do any unwanted mistake. Please be responsible to your life and future. You're big enough to differentiate what is wrong and what is right. Don't act like a immature kid anymore, KY! Gambatteeee <3

加油

不喜欢被别人否认，看不起就做好自己。

麦嘉欣！当被别人否认的时候，微笑。不要发脾气，不要不爽。要感谢他们。没有他们的否认，就不会有更好的你。不要被别人看不起，就以行动证明，你是能的。加油！

R.I.P

自我了断


需要多大的勇气?


对，我绝对赞成说自我了断是非常自私的行为，可是，没人会要走上这条不归路。
有没有人想过，从他开始有这个念头开始到他真的开始行动的期间，是多么的煎熬? 是几挣扎? 是几多几多的压力，困扰，挫折才会令到一个人鼓起勇气结束自己的生命?

对，没有解决不了的问题。只要往另个角度想，事情就会简单化。说是简单，又有几个人能做到呢? 还是那句，珍惜身边的每一个人。真的，不要等到失去后才来后悔。遗憾是不能被弥补的! 对，我的确没有珍惜身边的每一个人，可是我会努力做到:)

this is life.

Years ago, this song was the theme of my blog too. Suddenly came across with this song just now, when I was wondering, configuring, searching, thinking ... What actually do I want in my life? Ya, I do have my dream to chase of. I want to reach my B-terminal, there have everything that I want. That's why I'm doing such hardcore things! Honestly, these few days, Im really tired. I really freaking exhausted, and tired of this life! Why life not just that simple?! WHY?

Always reminding myself that I have no one to depends on, that's why I have to achieve my dream all by myself. What I want in the future, I gonna make it true by myself. No one is helping me. And I know, if I stop doing what I'm doing currently, my dreams will never ever achieved and it will only be a DREAM forever. I know what should I do, What I have to do, but ... I'm just too tired to move on. Ya, I might not have the right to said so, because I'm just an ordinary student who only need to worry about cgpa and pocket money. But, honestly, I'm tired. Maybe I'm just that lousy and weak. I don't know who to tell, who to charge me up. I've used up my batt. and songs no longer effective for my tiredness.

What I can see in my academy path is getting darker and darker. My main path to the B-terminal. That's why I've seek for my sub path. well, nothing come easily. Whatever come easily, will just go easily. That's why we have a saying - easy come, easy go. Since I have a abnormal dream, so I have to work abnormally! So, MKY!! It's time to back to your life and stop procrastinating! Just add a little more, you'll be there. :)

好听

Sometimes I'm kinda tired of this life. Its quite stressful and tiring of chasing something I wanted so desperately but it seems so far to me.


每个人心里都会有一个极限，尤其是被伤害过得。在我们长大的过程中，我们变得越来越会保护自己，就好象洋葱一样，一层一层的把自己抱起来，不让别人把自己看得太过透。每当被伤害会体会到一件事情时，我们就会把真正自己包起来，因为知道了，原来这样是会被伤害，原来这样是不好，等等。

___________________________________-


不是说过要证明给我看的吗? 为什么现在又退缩了? 为什么每个都是这样? 口口声声说有几好，会怎样怎样，可是时间久了却这样? 为什么每次都是要在我开始相信的时候跟我说原来不是? 每次都是当我从新再相信原来是有例外的时候，你们就跟我说原来全部都是一样? 之前的保证，之前的一切一切，难道都真的是假的吗? 麦嘉欣就是那么容易相信别人。死蠢。

你说的话总那么好听，你爱不爱我不能确定
也许你只把爱当游戏， 我却没那么聪明 :)

复杂的一天

很想马上倒在床上大睡到明天，我不想醒着。我知道我在逃避，可是，我除了暂时逃避，我还能怎样? 我真的有点累了，越来越觉得，其实自己并没有很好。之前都高估自己了。原来，一切都是假的美好。原来自己是那么不会handle问题。原来自己是那么的依赖他们。原来，原来，原来。原来我并不是自己想象中的坚强。我很想证明很多很多，更多更多，我以为我能。我相信我能。可是，我开始质疑了。我开始否定我自己。对，我很会鼓励别人，很会分析道理，当朋友down时，我都能开解他们，给他们solution。可是，当自己down时我却帮不到自己。


我变了。我不知道是好是坏。我只知道我变得越来越现实，实际。可能是看到了社会的残酷，可能是见识多了，知道了，之前的我根本不能再未来的社会里立足。哭泣，太懦弱了。好像，很久没有哭了。是因为知道了哭泣改变不了事实所以不哭还是我变坚强了?我也不知道。


可是，今早，我确确实实哭了。当眼泪滑下我傻了，我也很惊讶，真的。我既然哭了，而且还是为了那件事情。在眼泪滑下的那刻之前，我都以为自己不在乎。可是，当我真的哭了，我才发觉，原来我很在乎。只是自己也不知道。可是，我真的不知道这会是好的开始还是坏的。该继续，还是停止。我真的不知道。怎么办。。。


怎么办怎么办怎么办，很无助。真的很无助。我简直就是没有任何的感觉。伤心?担心?失望?绝望?好像什么都不是，就只是很down很无奈。我坚持的，是对的吗?值得吗?

Nearer :)

成绩放榜了。


知道了成绩放榜时，并没能立刻马上上网看成绩。
回到家，一上网，skype的灯就不停的闪，朋友不停的问。
那感觉，真的很恐怖。很想找个人陪，可是却害怕自己的成绩没有自己想象中的好。
想跟家人一起看，可是，我更怕。因为，我知道他们对我期望很高。如果，我失败的话，他们会比我更加的失望。


像我所说的，看成绩前，我就答应好自己无论是好是坏，都要倘然接受，因为那已是一个不变的事实。那也是我的成绩，无论我留多少泪，那还是我的战绩。

看到了，我的grades的时候，我怕了。心想一定是没有了，因为需要全部A才能保持，而我却没有。我失望了。当时，我真的一位就这样，我emo了。我在想再怎么跟家人交代，怎么跟自己交代。当我scroll 下一点点时，我才发觉，越来下面有下cpga == 原来我办到了! 我真的很开心，很开心很开心。可是，那开心只有短短的几分钟。当朋友不停的问时，我厌倦了，因为他们又在比较。也知道有些朋友考得并不是很好，心情也有点沉重了。我了解，我明白那感受，因为我刚还没看到cpga时也真的以为自己maintain 不到。无论如何，成绩是好是坏已成定局。现在该做的事是Sem2要更加努力，成绩不好不要逃避，找更好的读书方式，考好的更不要骄傲! Daddy, Mummy, Jie n Gor !! Thanks for the support and love. I can't do it without anyone of you. I will do my best to keep my promise, I will not disappoint you all. Love u guys! 

下贱!

学会自爱，才爱别人。

不懂得自爱的人，没资格爱别人，更不要在那里跟我谈情说爱!


自己都不懂得爱自己，凭什么要别人爱你? 凭什么爱别人? 凭什么在这里跟我说尊严?! 你有吗?!


不要有问题发生的时候，就把矛头指向别人! 想下为什么会这样，是不是自己也有什么问题。小姐! 为什么别人会这样对你? 不见别人这样对其他人? 就是因为你自己不懂的保护自己，爱护自己，尊重自己，所以别人才不尊重你!

有样又怎样? 不懂得爱护自己，一样是贱货一件! 对不起，我不喜欢用那么难听的字眼，可是，我真的找不到任何一个词比贱货更适合你的了! 不要令我那么讨厌你好吗? 我很累。小妹，真希望你有改过自新的一天。可是，同时也害怕当你改过自新后，想回自己之前的无知，承受不了而自杀! 可恶! 明明自己就是恶魔，还要装天使。怎么这世界上会有那么讨厌的人啊? 哇靠! 我真的很讨厌你们! 你们! 同时，我也很感谢你们! 因为你们，我才有今天的我! 因为你们的所作所为，我才要撑下去! 证明给你们这些狗眼看人低的家伙看! 你们就尽管欺负他们吧，我会让你们后悔! 我说到就做到!我要做的事情，我一定做到!就像我能争取到我今天拥有的一切。 我就是喜欢看你们那无奈，不甘的样子!那一天，那一刻，那一秒，我永远不会忘记! 你们那惊讶，无言，无奈，不甘的样子，就是我最大的收获! 我说过，不要看小我，不要惹我，更加不要欺负我的家人! 继续过分吧，如果这样你会开心，就继续吧，我并不会阻止你，因为这才是我继续奋斗的动力! 不好意思，我不懂得用像你们用的那种低贱的手法去伤害别人，损人不利己。我比较喜欢双赢，不但能帮到自己，也能赢去你们的不甘同时那妒忌的眼神!尽管是那么一秒钟的嫉妒，我也要! 因为，我真的很讨厌很讨厌你们! 这是一个不变的事实!

原谅他人就是善待自己。妈妈常这样跟我说。我非常认同这句话，所以我很少讨厌别人。可是，至于你们，为什么我不能原谅你们? 因为你们在我眼里根本不是人! 就那么简单。

I can !

Hi, Sem-breaking . haha


Refresh back days I was studying for my final. It was really crazy. I wonder how could I do it? Locked in the room, sit there and study for 12 hours. OMG! But, its not surprise that I have gained 4kgs during this final exam. Honestly! I have gained 4kgs ! Ishhhh. Im super duper upset, and was trying my best to exercise and burn all the 4kgs FATS ! Since I couldn't control my food intake so I have to increase my FATS output, HAHA.


During the period where I am fighting for my final, the only thing that motivate me, and give me the energy and strength to study for 12 hours was SCHOLARSHIP. For me, score = money. Every single marks means a lot to me since I have started my uni life, because even Im lack of 0.01, it will cause me to pay RM3000+. And sorry to say that, I will not pay for it! Get off ! I COULD MAINTAIN my SCHOLARSHIP!

Although, facing the notes was tiring and toturing of course. but the mindset of us must be a very right one. Result will be release very soon, and I know many people will get result that they're expected and of course some will get unexpected result both good and bad one. But please, accept it with a open heart. Every single hard work will pay us back with our result. Our result is equivalent to our commitment. Even though, you cant get a result that you aim for, don't feel upset, don't darken your day. Promise yourself before u check the result, no matter the result was good or bad, allow yourself to spend only 2hours maximum to be proud/ sad of it. After that, back to ur real life! Good result means that, you need to continue the same effort in sem2 in order to maintain ur result. Bad result means that, the study method of u wasn't right, and think of another way or work harder ! :)

yes, we will all encounter moments in our lives that we just want to give up. Everything is just against us and we don't know how much more that we could take. I must confess that the road of perfectness and greatness is a difficult one! The hardship encountered along the way are what will test our resolve and make us great! So, whenever you're down and disappoint, don't give up! Tell yourself, I will survive, I will overcome, I will succeed! I can!